Food For Thought, Literally!

I eat to live. Since I enjoy living a healthy life, I eat healthy to live healthy. For me being health conscious is just living mindfully which helps me be more clear and balanced, not only physically but mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Thus, I am a conscious eater which some might coin as "picky." I am okay with that as it is part of who I am. But as you are traveling some things become out of your control, such as food, and I have had to make peace with that.

In my "nutrition peace voyage" I found myself in uncharted waters at times. I am learning that Southeast Asia specializes in food and capitalizes on their bountiful fruits and vegetables. I have been in mango and papaya heaven. But I could not just live on fruit as Charlotte lived on chocolate pudding in Mexico in the movie Sex And The City. I have had to balance trying new foods while also making sure it is clean and edible. Thus, I ventured out of my comfort zone in Cambodia and tried tarantula and cricket. Surprisingly, the tarantula was my favorite as it tasted, no not like chicken, but like stir fry. As I ate it, it just went to show it was more of a mental obstacle rather than taste as I truly enjoyed it but my stomach did turn at the thought of eating this hairy spider. Also in Cambodia I did have to try a mystery meat a time or two for breakfast but quickly got off that train and found some muesli at the supermarket. As much as it is fun to adopt the food of another culture there is still something about having just one comfort that gives you a moment of reprieve from always sitting down to a true "mystery meal."

I do admire Southeast Asia for their fine fresh markets. Again, some parts make my stomach turn as they were so fresh with dead meat, so fresh that on an early Tuesday morning I saw a duck recently chopped in half with his wings still flapping. That image was the price I had to pay for some beautiful papayas sold at the vendor next door. Yet,I am still inspired by the freshness of the food and how much care is taken into preparing a meal.

In Chiang Mai we signed up for a cooking class for Garnett's birthday. This was heaven for him as he lives to eat, very opposite from me. Nonetheless, we found a common ground this day preparing authentic and fresh Thai dishes with me sticking to the more healthy options and Garnett on the fried side with the fried spring rolls and fried bananas. I truly enjoyed the cooking class more than I had expected. We started the day by going to the market to purchase our fresh food and then the day whizzed by as I learned how to make a coconut soup, papaya salad, green curry paste, and mango sticky rice. I have all the recipes to try at home although it won't be same without my wonderful Thai chef standing behind me telling me when it was time to add the oyster sauce, oil, salt, etc. I asked her to come home with me but I think she likes her day job. Ha ha. Although maybe it is best she stays in Thailand as she kept telling me if I ate more spicy food I would be sexier. This left my dishes and self-esteem very unsexy as I couldn't add as much sex as she suggested. My poor taste buds had to draw the line somewhere so I could enjoy the food. Thus, I succumbed to the unsexy.

One thing I had not counted on throughout the day was the friendships that were built as a group of strangers learned how to make Thai food. We all came from different countries, at times spoke different languages, but as the day progressed we let the common thread of learning about Thai food form the basis of wonderful conversations. I shared stories of Cambodia to 2 fellows who also just left there and fell in love with the authenticity as I did. I used my Spanish with a wonderful woman from Madrid. This was a toughie as trying to use my brain to speak a second language while I am trying to chop chillies is a cooking hazard like leaving the stove on. Finally, meeting a woman that is from where I am headed, Greenville SC, and a man heading to where I am coming from, NZ.
It is really a small world when in Chiang Mai, Thailand you meet someone at your table from South Carolina, yet it somehow makes sense. As the man headed to NZ talked about his journey from teaching in the UK to seeing what else he might be good at doing and letting NZ open that door, I am brought to reflect on how we are all on a journey of some sort in search of something more. On this day that something more happened to bring us all together to embrace Thai cooking. In this curiosity, we all appreciated one another, our journeys, and the "sexiness" of Thai food, or lack there of in the case of my dishes. In the end, it is inspiring to know that with an inquisitive mind in this journey of life you never know what you might end up eating, like tarantula, or who you might meet along the way. Either way, all precious gifts to a traveler.

Surrendering To The Pause

What you can experience in just a night in Bangkok! Before you read any further I had a very "PG" experience with the exception that we accidentally booked our hotel in what turned out to be one of the red light districts. That is as Hangover 2 as it gets folks.

I was blessed to meet up with a dear friend, Trin, in Bangkok who could show us a more local and cultural side to his hometown, the sin city of Asia. I was surprised with all the entertainment and food Bangkok had to offer. After sticking to a very strict rice regimen and an overall "consumer beware" mentality in Cambodia, I could put my guard down a little in Bangkok with some fresh sushi and fine deserts that included french toast on steroids, an adaptation from a Japanese desert. I was also pleasantly surprised to learn that the owner of the fine desert establishment, After You, was a young Thai female. My friend then enlightened me on how woman are treated fairly in Thailand and are highly regarded as business women. This I like to hear!

I also learned about the fine art of late night spa treatments as our friend took us to get a reflexology foot massage at 11 at night and for only around $15. Needless to say Bangkok got my vote as one of the liveliest cities. After all this decadence I took a much needed trip to the gym in the next morning and in true Bangkok flare this was the biggest and grandest gym I have ever seen but still just what the doctor ordered.

After only a night in Bangkok it was time to make our way to Chiang Mai to settle for a while and speaking of what the doctor ordered, this was what my body needed....to be in one place for a while. Ironically, 2 years later, to the week, I found myself with the same hotel manager that so kindly helped me in Bali when I got e-coli. This time I got sick with a cold/flu combination. I am not surprised as Garnett got sick in Cambodia along with all the kids we were working with. Now it was my turn and my body was saying "I have had enough Kathy, time for a rest." My body had been telling me this since Siem Reap but I put up a good fight until I no longer could. I have noticed that when you get sick in countries where the food and water are questionable, as well as illnesses being transferred by Mosquitos, which I had my fair share of bites, you monitor things closely.

In the end I had to stop for a day or so and fully rest and took more medicine than I had in ages. I was forced to listen to my body, something I had not been doing very well. For a trip that was supposed to be about listening, I missed that one as I pushed to experience all I could. So I let go of the guilt and the anger I felt towards my body for not being at 100% and I rested.

It is funny how I battled more with my mind than my body the day I rested. I almost couldn't relax to let my body heal because my mind was racing thinking what I could be missing out on in Chang Mai or thinking I should be doing this or that. I laugh because when my body isn't at 100% I fight these thoughts, abroad or in my own home. It just goes to show that truly wherever you go, there you are. It is all a matter of perspective, your attitude, and not letting these thoughts get the best of you.

As I am learning to be a better traveler, and person, I surrender to the change in plans, listen to my body, and trust fully in the bigger picture. Illness or not, I am exactly where I need to be and experiencing exactly what I need to. I surrender to the pause and the process of healing.

Siem Reap And The Flow Of Life

The visit to Siem Reap started as an auspicious day. Currently, this is a special time in Cambodia as the Pagodas (Buddhists Temples) are celebrating Pchum Ben (Ancestors Day). This is a period during the year where for many days the people of Cambodia pay their respects to their deceased relatives for the past 7 generations. There are many ways this time is honored but most notably it is when the Pagodas are very active with the people bringing the monks food as a sign of good merit that benefits the dead. The Pagodas are not only buzzing with the offerings but active day and night with chanting, bells, drums, and the lingering smell of incense. This scene was our backdrop as we visited one of the most magnificent structures on Earth, Angkor Wat.

I was in awe of the temple that was at first dedicated to the Hindu gods but then switched to Buddhism, unfortunately this meant at the hands of defacing some of the statues. Angkor Wat must rival with the pyramids with the precision and detail, especially since it was constructed during the 12th century. The relief carvings of the gods and goddesses were so ornate and to my surprise in good condition.

It was a day full of temples as we ventured to the Temple of Bayon. I like to call it the temple of the happy gods as it is full of carvings of gods smiling. Then in the midst of a Cambodian afternoon thunderstorm, I found myself in a temple that was supposedly closed although there was a poor job of saying so, but somehow this changed while I was inside as I got trapped and unable to get out. Luckily I found my way out and without being yelled at by a Cambodian security guard. Some folks were not so lucky and got an ear full. One thing you don't want in this country is a someone threatening to call the Cambodian police. Lastly the day ended with visiting Ta Phrom, the temple with huge trees growing over and around the walls, another display of true magnificence.

As I said, my last day on Cambodia was an auspicious one full of the magnificent beauty of a physical structure that reflects the beauty and strength of the Cambodian people. While in Siem Reap, I already found myself at an interesting dichotomy. I missed Phnom Penh with the confusion, chaos, and challenge of living yet for some reason my body felt lighter with the open space and touch of westernization of Siem Reap. I was finding that whichever way you look at it, Cambodian made a lasting impression on my heart and I found a true appreciation for this country and one that will be tough to top throughout this trip.

As I was leaving NZ, a friend said to me that maybe transitions are supposed to feel uneventful and as though you are progressing to the next thing without any pomp or fuss. She said, "it is the flow of life." That is how I yet again board the plane for Thailand. My heart is full of love and joy from being of true service and from witnessing authentic beauty.....and with this I join the flow of life and continue my journey.

Raw, Real, And The Universal Language

What makes a place sacred? Spiritual? A few posts ago I mentioned that Cambodia is not considered one of the more spiritual places in the world. On the surface with the corruption, lack of structure, haggling, etc, yes, it doesn't scream of that which is spiritual and sacred. But I was forced to take a closer look and have found out I was wrong.

As my work with the daycare center was coming to close and as I began my transition out of Phnom Penh, knowing in a few days I will be leaving this country, I have noticed a certain spirit has invaded my heart, the Spirit of Cambodia. It seems to be a strong feeling that has come over me and left me wondering why, as on the surface there is nothing endearing at the first glance of my surroundings.

As I ride on the bus from Phnom Penh to Siem Reap, I am met with the depths of the poverty in the countryside. Gazing out of my window, I find the words to describe this specific love and appreciation I have for this country. One that many people have told me about but didn't fully comprehend until today.

Cambodia is absolutely raw and real. It is a country to be endured and one where you have to let go of all illusions about yourself and others. There has only been one consistency in my day, that it is me who is creating the reality of each encounter, each situation, each circumstance. Cambodians truly do not know much English and this leaves each conversation almost as a guessing game of "what just happened?" Thus, you leave each encounter hoping that your message was conveyed properly. Or in the instance of making sure you are not getting taken advantage of because you are a Westerner. You really have to play a mental game each day to figure out your truth and reality....you must fully let go as there are always questions arising and left unanswered in a country like Cambodia. You have to rest in who and what you are.

Yet in this lack of communication comes the real stuff, what The Alchemist calls the Universal Language. Oh how I love this form of communication. Gazing out of my window I partake in this exchange as I have since I arrived, with the smiles and waves from the Cambodian people. Some on their motos, a child waves hello on the street, and an older woman nods from her shanti home in the midst of flooding. In this raw environment of poverty there is a sense of realness in each exchange. There is no communicating of what comes before this encounter or what happens after, it is just 2 people sharing a smile or nod if only for that moment in time.

The beauty of not knowing their language is also being in a position to observe the Universal Language that is shared between the Cambodians. This lets me see the beauty that is present on the faces of these beautiful people. How in their living conditions, they appear to have a fullness, simplicity, and clarity that I strive for as I live my daily life. It comes to them effortlessly, yet through their hardships, they connect to what really matters; love and kindness towards their family and fellow villagers.

After tapping into this Universal Language, I feel the spirituality and sacredness of the land and people of Cambodia. I feel so blessed to not only know the specialness of silence but the significance that comes from that which is raw and real. And with this I continue to grow....

Last Day At Joy Daycare Center

I started to miss the kids already a couple of days prior to my final day. I knew this was just a 2 week placement but still found myself growing attached to these beautiful souls. In such a short time we have grown to understand one another. Although we barely speak a common language, there is an underlying Universal Language.

I wasn't sure about working with the 2-3 year olds at first. I was questioning if they really needed my help or what I could really do with children who are just learning their language much less English. At the end of my placement, I have no doubt I was exactly where I needed to be.

I had to dig deep to communicate with the children. I had to use a lot of unspoken language cues but mostly I had to lead with my heart, trying to intuitively communicate. I was placed in a situation that will leave a lasting imprint on me. Throughout my time, I noticed things like improvements in their creativity through coloring and motor skills through building blocks. They gained more knowledge on cleanliness and how to lather and use soap. And on the final day mastering the idea of a nappie.

But there was something deeper in all of this. I observed silently as these children took care of one another. I sat in awe as they tried to communicate with me and include me into their family. And by the end of my time we had created our own way of communicating thus learning that verbal communication, although helpful, sometimes isn't the best or only way to get your point across, especially if you want to make a lasting impression.

I came to Cambodia to fulfill a dream of volunteering abroad. I came hoping to be hands on in making a difference for a country in need. Serendipitously, I was put in a situation that gave me just that. I can only hope that I did my best to make these kids life a little bit better. But what was a plan to serve has ironically turned into something that has given to me more than I could have expected. I will cherish my time at Joy Daycare Center and these kids will always hold a special place in my heart for they have helped me to learn how to give fully of myself, with or without words.

Giving Of Gifts Or Service?

Cambodians are a very interesting bunch and to fully experience this a trip to a market or two is needed. It is one thing to do this on your own but another as you go with a Cambodian for a specific reason; to help those truly less fortune in a country where everyone is in some way part of the less fortunate.

Garnett and I, with the help of some donations from wonderful friends, wanted to purchase clothes for the the children at the daycare center. They come to the center each day with mostly the same clothes on that hardly fit and are filthy, even after washed. We had to endeavor very carefully as not to get taken advantage of by the daycare or the market. To my surprise the center was ethical and understood that we had a budget and our mission was to cloth the children as we were giving the center supplies such as soap and nappies, understanding fully that they too have a budget and are given money to fund their program. We wanted to make sure that they did not pocket the items so they could take more money home for themselves.

One of the fellow teachers took us to the Olympic Market, the locals market that is set at a cheaper cost. This was a painstaking ordeal for 3 hours in a hot, sweaty, cramped market. I was amazed at the experience because I truly saw Cambodia at its finest and the means of negotiation that have been passed down generation to generation. When I say this, I mean I was surprised at how much the Cambodians were trying to screw each other on the price, quantity, and quality of items. It was rather ruthless and unfortunate because this is for a good cause. But as I was advised, this is what has been passed down from generations and the way business goes. Needless to say, you are always on guard as a consumer.

Throughout this process, I had to keep my patience and remember what this was for. It was to give these kids a much needed new piece of clothing. I just wish it wasn't laced with such a haggling process. But as I said before, luckily we had a Cambodian with us to negotiate and to translate. It could have been worse.

In the end we were able to get the kids a new outfit and purchased much needed shorts for their uniforms. As we dressed them in the afternoon they were very grateful and I can't tell you the difference it made from what they came in them. But I noticed that my heart was not as full. I didn't have this sense that I did something good. My head knew it was a good thing but my heart was missing something.

That night I went home and cried. I realized my ego took over. I was heartbroken because I had to bartered for their clothes and they still weren't the best clothes....it was what we could get yet I know much better than what they have or have access to. But I was stuck in thinking that I wanted them to look like my nieces and nephews. I was really caught up in the girls for some reason as I wanted their outside to match the princesses they are on the inside. I wanted them to know what it felt like to have a beautiful outfit and how clean and new it felt. I wanted them to have a closet full of clothes like that. It still breaks my heart. This is when after a good cry and a nights sleep help gain some perspective.

This is part of my battle as a volunteer. I have to remember what is for me and what is for them. I may want them to look like my nieces and nephews. I may want the world for them as I do my nieces and nephews. But then it becomes about me not them. I can't change the world in one day and I can't take these children out of their situation. Actually these kids are perfectly happy. They do not know any different. But I and my ego do.
This leaves me reflecting on the difference in giving of gifts and giving of service. Giving the clothes to the children was very heartbreaking for me and a reality check of how impoverished they live. On the other hand, each morning, I have woken up excited about my day of service and am full of energy afterwards. I treasure my time of service with these children and hope that imprint lasts longer for them than any thread of clothing. I know it will for me.

Name That Itch!

After spending the last 3 years of my life cold, I am definitely getting what I asked for on this trip, HEAT. A way of staying cool in the Cambodian heat is the use of the oscillating fan. Yes, it keeps you somewhat cool but often times I find it drying out my contacts or contributing to a game I like to call "what is that itch?" With my hair slightly moving in the wind, I am unsure if any movement on my body isn't something else. In our host house, I have found limitless ants and mosquitos. Sleeping at night means waking up a few times itching and then checking out all the new bites in the morning. This also doesn't make me feel any better about my lice scare since all the kids that I work with have lice and how can you say no to hugging them. Thus, it's a battle of do I itch because if lice, ants, mosquitos, or is it just my imagination?

This is only the tip of the iceberg that has left me feeling rather vulnerable in Cambodia. My definition of cleanliness has been altered slightly, lice checks are practically a daily occurrence, and being a sweaty mess is part of the daily uniform. I say this with humor, I am one nasty bitch at this point.

I am constantly using antibacterial gel and hand wipes and never leave the house without my own toilet paper. I have seen some of the worst bathroom practices and dare not say more than that. I have also concluded that I should no longer have my hands anywhere near my face.

I really just have to sit back and laugh at this point. I have learned to embrace my "nasty bitch status." No matter how gross I may feel or what my eyes might see throughout the day in regards to cleanliness, there is still no other place I would rather be. Martin Buber says "all journeys have a secret destination of which the traveler is unaware," so I am taking the bright side of things knowing that my current cleanliness status is only but a wonderful part of this secret destination; enjoying the goodness that comes from vulnerability.

Itchy, itchy....I got to find out what this new itch is......till next time.